you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
