battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
