The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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