Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
one two three fourrrrnication!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
