He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need a beard to bite.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
