no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
