you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
