bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
