It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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