Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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