Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
