there's paper in my vomit.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
