I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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