Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
