She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
