I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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