I accidentally had phone sex last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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