The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
