I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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