the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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