hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
