i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
