Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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