We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize