By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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