I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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