Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
