ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
