pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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