At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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