I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
