you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
