I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
