When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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