Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
