Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
