I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
