quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
