im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
