It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize