no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
