i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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