gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
