i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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