You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She swung at the pinata with crutches
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
