I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
