i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
