If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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