last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize