I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
