in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize