Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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