shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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