So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize