It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize