help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
