If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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