was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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