Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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