just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
