I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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