You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
