Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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