You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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