just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
