Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
