I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
