Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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