Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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