I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I supernannyed him into submission
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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