I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize